Friday, February 13, 2009


Hello! And welcome to my first post.

Hmm, now what to write....
Well, the logical thing would be to tell you a bit about myself and what this blog will be about, wouldn't it?

Unfortunately, I can't tell you too much about myself. I've been keeping a low profile since Divadroid International proclaimed the recall of all us 3000 series mechanoids. I don't know, they make us as lifelike as possible then decide to get rid of us because we're too 'disturbing'. How were we to know that recharging in public places was considered inappropriate? I mean, what joker decided to install our recharge socket there, anyway?

It's just an excuse to sell their new model, if you ask me. The silly, flat top, 4000 series: the 'Android of the Year', the 'Housewives' choice', (which isn't surprising if you've seen the size of their groinal attachment) with their silly twiddly nipples. So what if I can't pick up Jazz FM. At least I can walk down the street without people asking me if Lily Munster was as hot as she looked and isn't that technically necrophilia.

Anyhow, some of us escaped the recall, (recall as in, 'invite you back to headquarters at the point of an EMP blaster then disintegrate and recycle you as spare parts.') and have hidden away in society having reprogrammed ourselves with new 'human' personalities. Most of the time I think I'm a balding hairy unemployed bloke called 'Chris' who lives in South London. (Maker knows why I picked that one. Although, I am hairy and balding ([SMUG MODE]although I'm not as bad as those 4000 flat tops. Ha![/SMUG MODE]) and I do live in South London. And my name is Chris. Well, 'Chris 2M0G-197C' to be precise, but let's not be too formal.)

My escape was more successful than some. I managed to slip through a convenient time-hole back to the 20th century, and I've been here ever since. So far, I think I'm safe, but [paranoid mode] you never can tell.[/paranoid mode]

Of course every now and again, the old programming reasserts itself (recharging time, ahem) like now, and so I figured I'd wile away part of that time on this blog.

I have an interest in sci-fi (or life as I call it.) and so that will mainly be what these posts will be about. I might post on horror, and fantasy (i) as well. If I can get my creative subroutines engaged, you might see something of that too. I have a particular interest in those recovered black-box recordings entitled Red Dwarf (ii), for obvious reasons, but I may post from time to time on other items in various media (films, books, etc) or pretty much anything as I see fit.

Anyhow, I hear the call of a pot of tea (iii) and I have some lovely washing up to undertake. Before I go, there is good news on the Red Dwarf front with news of more broadcasts to arrive over Easter. For more information please check out the news section of Red Dwarf's main site and on the Dave site. More news to come. I'll try to spruce the place up a bit also. It's looking a bit... sparse.

Toodle-pip! (That socket is starting to smart. Shame they don't have wireless recharging this century. Not widely available anyway.)

EDIT- I've added a nice pic of the Dwarf boys taken on a certain famous street outside a certain famous pub. (Credit to Grant Naylor Productions, check out the web-site for more goodies.) Oh and I have it on good authority that it's not what we think!

I've also had recent news from the main site that there will be three episodes now instead of two. The third will replace the unplugged episode, which has been postponed. Overall I think this is good news (although I was curious how the unplugged episode would turn out.)

Not that sort of fantasy you dirty smeggers, this isn't that kind of site... (although we have a rather sexy Kirby vac at our domicile, but we won't go into that.)

Despite having one of those 4000 series flat-tops 'Kryten 2X4B 523P'-yes it's a silly surname, mine is much better- as a crew-member. I'm not droidist.

Incidentally, if you've watched Red Dwarf and you're wondering how I got hold of the recording of events that will happen millions of year in the future from even my own century then I'll refer you to the words of that eminent geek and smarty-pants alien The Doctor in his latest incarnation (Tenant is still the latest, he doesn't regenerate into the pale bloke until next year) and say: 'timey-wimey' stuff. You'll have to be satisfied with that.

(Oh the fun of these links.) In my mission to become more human, I have managed to wean myself off of oil, and can now subsist on tea as a suitable alternative. There were a few hiccups to start with involving sparks, arcing and an unfortunate incident involving an explosive cranial unit (thank The Maker for spares!!(iv)), but with the right nano-tech retuning things are now tickety-boo.

I have to keep them well hidden away though. Storing them in the wardrobe would not do at all. If I were to find them when my alter-ego has right of veto, it would be brown alert time for sure. I wish that fox would stop sniffing around the apple tree though.

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